i am so sorry, for all the ones that follow me, i am sorry i haven't been commenting properly, that i am not being attentive to you...
it is just, you know the feeling when you are extremely happy?
and you simply feel it is just you and him/her in this whole world.
i have decided to studying in a university in Romania and afterwards going for master in UK.
It is the best decision there is, i know i am still not ready, still not mature enough to go on my own, for if i go, i cannot come back, it is a one way street.
I am happy, i haven't cut in...many weeks, many months, i am happy, he gives me power to go on, but i know i could go on without him, i know that.
But he is a part of my soul.
I am talking of course of my boyfriend, i wish you could see him, he has sea-like blue, green, gray eyes, blonde.
He might not seem to others the most beautiful person on earth but for me he is...
yes ladies...ATTENTION EVERYONE...PME is TOTALLY WHIPPED.
he knows me, everything, and, SI, the rape, everything, not once has he shown pity, disgust like i thought he will, he is being attentive, it is like he knows what i am thinking, we are texting the same ideas in the same time. He completes, makes me feel unique and loved...
I do have dark thoughts, i do starve, but not like i used to, i do feel the urge of cutting but it gets lighter and lighter...i feel like i am winning, for once in my life i am winning...you know what? Myself, ladies, for i am worthy of being saved.
I think i love him...
there is this nagging little scared voice that tells me everytime that he will get bored, that he will break up with me, sometimes i give in and believe it, but most of the times, i just tell it to shush.
I am sorry if you felt i have abandoned you, i have most certainly not. I am with you, reading, but i do have the final exam, it is killing me, so much to study, so much pressure to have the biggest grade...what if i won't take it? those are my all-day-thoughts.
Sometimes i feel guilty of being so happy, for i think i don't deserve to be happy...
but i don't care whether i deserve the happiness or not, i just care that i am happy, i don't want to darken my sunshine like mood.
I love you so much, i hope you haven't feel abandoned, i did not abandon you, i am always here for you, i swear :)
Yours always truthfully,
PME
PS: Please take care of you, beautiful angels
xoxoxo
