unsynchronized,

not functioning,

having trouble;

cut, binge, purge, starve;

bad marks,

not being able to focus,

being a fail during classes;

binge, purge, bite, cut;

fights with momster,

fighting battles that aren't mine,

trusting people i shouldn't;

starve, scream, cut, binge;

forgetting to post,

wanting to post but feeling not good enough,

the heart breaking every sad post, song, movie i read/listen/watch;

starve, cry, scream, binge;

breaking up with the boy from Czech Republic,

extremely low self-esteem, envy;

cry, scream, try, binge;

trying to keep up with the changes,

writing letters and not showing them to anyone,

re-learning to live.

IFOF is a term that means "identification friend or foe" most commonly used in the aircraft industry. It is a thing on an airplane that tells people reading the signal if they are a friend or foe. We now have a system of our own. I got this from another site: Have you ever wondered if the skinny girl you see has an ED (A or M)? And proud of it? You so desperately want to ask, or even try to make friends but are scared? Well, no more ... since we have our ribbon "Ana is a lifestyle..." and its red.

I propose that we all get a red beaded bracelet. You can make it or buy them. Wear it daily or when you go out to secretly say that you are proud to be pro-ana or proud to have an ED that is. Anytime you see someone wearing a red beaded bracelet, capture their eye contact and point to your bracelet, and if they return the same point to theirs ... then they are ED friendly. If not, then its just someone who is wearing one.

As for those who are older and feel silly wearing a beaded bracelet, wear a red t-shirt every Monday or when you go out on Mondays.

i want to send a special thank you to everyone of you,

beautiful souls,

who follow me.

Every one of you has helped me so much,

when i wanted to cease this life.

You are my power and my strength.

My life right now is a complete chaos...

i don't know where i am heading in life,

i don't know what i want to be in the future.

Some say it is normal that one doesn't know who he is,

i am not so sure,

and if it is indeed normal,

then it is a horrible feeling.

In the easter holiday i was in Prague,

wonderful city,

also it is very different from every other city i visited.

It has two faces, the daytime face and in the night everything changes,

it becomes a city of lights, a city of wonders, of alcohol.

It has magic in it,

I felt so different?

like i am part of every brick from every building,

i felt as if the city was breathing through every pore of my skin,

through every thought of my mind.

Remember when i told you, in an older post about an international theater project?

Well there was this guy, sweet and charming, he is from Prague, he acts with me as if i am a porcelain doll sometimes, but sometimes he acts as if i am his best friend.

I think, ladies that i fell in love,

i don't know what he did but he shattered almost every brick i have,

every wall that surrounds my heart.

I told him about the rape, the MPD/bipolarity,

but i didn't tell him about Ana, Mia, these are my secrets,

my only secrets that i didn't tell him.

The wonderful thing is that he was not repulsed or anything,

he was just curious, he analyzes me, he wants to know me, he knows when i am sad, tired, upset. The problem is that i live in Bucharest, Romania.

I know that long distance relationships don't last,

i knew it when i got together, i know it now, but i couldn't and still cannot help it.

He attracts me in a way no one did, not P nor anyone else.

What advices do you have concerning long distance relationships? Don't tell me it is not possible...

What have you been doing?

Vizzy if you read this, pleeeeeeeease give me a sign:)

I love you all, beautiful souls. Thank you for the power you give me, power to keep going, power to want to be better, power to live.

Take good care of your beautiful, warrior souls.

"PerfectingMyEmptiness"