Thank you

Hello,my dear dear friends,
I feel I have neglected everyone here, some of you have helped me a lot during times that I don't think I could have helped myself. Thank you, to all of you...
My life has changed quite a lot, in a good sense, I have moved out of the hellhole, I am living with a beautiful, smart, funny guy who gently tries to make me see me for what I am. In some parts he has succeeded, in others I am not quite sure anybody can succeed. The point is that I am changed, in what, I do not exactly know, but I am changed, I am on my way to who I think I was supposed to be, if not for all this chaos that has happened in my life.
I wish you could see the way he is, how beautiful, caring...he is a wonderful human being. I try to battle this feeling that has been creeping up on me that says he deserves someone else, but I am not sure how much of it can be put out as a false thought. Why do I still feel as if I don't deserve? His mother is a wonderful woman who loves me and treats me as her own daughter. He studied psychology...I feared that once he knew it all he will run in the other way as fast as possible... And guess what, he didn't, he stayed rooted to the place... Dear human beings...he has given me what no one else could...he gave me roots, he taught me the sense of a home... I cannot begin to thank him enough...
I have recently come upon the discovery that my father is alive...my father whom I thought dead for the past few years...what do I do with that information? I have no idea...but what I do know is that I will manage.. I can proudly say that MIA, SI have gone from my life entirely, with Ana...that is something else, I can still hear her voice, but that also is a faint ghost of the scream that used to be heard...
I need to hear from you...all of you that still read this post...can you please do that? my mail is never_b@yahoo.com...please do feel free to e-mail me...if you need someone whom you can talk to, I know I may not be of much help, but at least you can talk to me :)
I hold you near my heart...Thank you,
PME

well...i miss him...i still feel his fingertips on my skin, his breathy voice in my ear telling me sweet words...

I've been starting to write new posts for a week now, but i keep changing them...first of all, if there are people that are still reading my crappy posts...thank you so much and i hope it helped you :)
My life? there are so many things to write about...i broke up with L, it is just better, you know? Have you ever got the feeling that your "mission" in  someone's life has finished? that is what i am feeling with L...
Ed has been quiet for a while, i still think about fat fat fat, but it is way better than it was a few years ago...
Do you know the feeling of emptiness? not hunger...emptiness, that is more or less how i feel, i feel drained, i feel as if talking to others will finish all my strength....as if simply walking is an ordeal, i want to stop thinking, to stop having to make decisions...
The Law school has been going down, i want to quit, i want to finish the Marketing College, i want to fly, my dear broken girls...i want to fly and not look back...
I want to feel as if the earth is behind me, nothing to stop me...i am starting to hate people, to hate my parents, to hate everyone...i want... i don't even want to know what i want...i fail and i want to stop being a failure in every sense...
I now remember why i loved this blog, i want to love it again...this was, is and will be forever the place to hide and lick my injuries, the place where i can rant, and even if no one will be reading this piece of crap, i will be free from it...
I want to get rid of the people that hurt me, to erase them from my mind, to be able to think about the beautiful things that have happened to me, the beautiful people i have encountered...
I want so much to learn to be selfish, pure and unaltered selfishness...to be able to think solely of myself and not of others....
I had a dream, dear ones, a dream that could have been accomplished but as always, money, being the most important thing in our world, stopped me... The Law School...it breaks me when i think that i will have to quit...
I wish my parents could stop yelling, i wish i could be 12 again, to not see the hatred in their eyes...i feel as if my parents are the predator and i am the prey...i feel cornered...i want to get out...
The feeling of home has been forever erased from my mind because of them, the way they think, the way they act, based solely on appearances. I sometimes feel like the only reason they tolerate me is that i have been their trophy, always being complimented by relatives and acquaintances...
I never studied out of pleasure, but because i knew i had to make them feel happy with me...
I want to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun far away, away from everything...i feel like i am choking on air...
Sorry for this post :))
Take care of you, dear souls,
PME