Every time i was down, almost nobody was there to pick me up, so i taught my mind and body to help itself...i had to be enough for myself.
Sometimes i don't know it is worth to fight in order to reach the shore, when i can just leave myself drawn.
Sometimes i just want to bury myself in the depths of my soul...to the La-la Land where i don't have to
hear,
feel,
see,
react,
touch,
speak,
write,
communicate,
hold onto,
suffer,
attack,
cry,
cut,
purge,
binge,
eat,
watch something,
focus on sth,
hold onto sth,
be bullied,
be in the "crowd",
worry,
save,
pretend,
hurt myself,
hurt someone,
sleep,
get fatter,
listen to someone not even remotely interesting,
be ashamed,
be vulnerable,
hide,
see myself,
disappoint myself and others,
occupy all the chair with my fat,
be bored, feel obliged to do sth,
hate others when i can just hate myself,
TO REMEMBER.
This is my La-la Land...the perfect refuge without:
past,
other human beings,
words,
actions,
scenery.
Could you all comment about your La-la Land? this way i won't feel the need to go into a mental institution about my imagining things:)
End of post.
"Love is in our scars and bones"
"PerfectingMyEmptiness"
3/17/10
La-la Land...comment please
Posted by PerfectingMyEmptiness at 1:30 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
My la la land is like an ocean.
When I'm "ok" I'm in the peaceful ocean above which can be described as a nice sky blue color.
The next level down IS the la la land. It's where my apathy meet the grey monotonous waves.
When i'm depressed, I sink down to the lows level. The black water is storm tormented. Waves so HUGE that I feel that I'll drown. I'm always tossed this way and that by the strong currents.
Hey girl, it is Olive. I think your La La land is very deep and beautiful. It is free from all the things that weigh on you and free from struggle and pain. I tend to go there when I am running and all I can hear is my breath.
Also, I still view you as strong, despite the explanation as to why you think you are not. Being docile can be a way of protecting yourself. My mother had 2 experiences in the same vain as yours and both times she too, melted and became limp. It is a natural response for self preservation.
So is your writing. I think it is great that you have this outlet. I think what you write is so honest and that it takes a great deal of strength to show your vulnerability to us, to yourself. It is art. It is a healthy purging(who knew purging could be healthy, right?)
One day at a time.
I am going to go read your older posts now. xo,Olive
Post a Comment