constants, masks and other things

everything, every single thing is just passing by in our life.

There is no constant, nothing to help me hang on.

Every person just left his/her mark on me/ my soul and just up and about.

They never look back.

Why?

Is there really no one who is able to stay constant on one fucking thing?

does everyone have to change their opinion every time?

what about me?

where am i?

if everyone goes away, where does that leave me?

will i always be just a curled figure on the floor?

I just want to be loved.

Not to be left alone.

It makes me think about that night and many other that have passed since then.

I don't want to be alone with my thoughts.

They are more destructive than every other thing.

I hate how my mind wanders, pointing to the things that i always want to avoid.

I don't even make sense to myself, how can i expect anyone else to make sense of what i am, of how much i am worth, of who i am?

The past week has been...numb.

If you asked me even the most representative thing that has happened i couldn't tell you.

It is like my mind is a vault.

I don't want to think

I don't want to feel

I don't want to be hurt

I don't want everything i worked so hard to mend, to be broken with a thought.

I don't want anymore hypocrites in my life

I don't want to miss something when that thing is gone

I don't want to be lost

I don't want to be gone

I don't want to crave something i don't have

I don't want to disappoint

i don't want to set some goals i know i can't achieve

i don't want to fight lost battles or battle that aren't mine anymore.

I guess i don't want to be myself anymore