past deeds...

This post is from last Wednesday, i couldn't enter on blogger to post it:


Being Enough:
Is being enough enough for anyone?
Let's say you have a goal in life, once you reach the goal, where you go from that point?
Won't you want to chase another goal?
to make it accomplish?
Is life just a chasing after opportunities, goals?
My goal weight is 130, my weight on the other hand is 150. I know i have work to do but i have to be part of my peers to just chase goals...
i know that once (Goddess help me to get there)i get there i would want more and more, meaning less and less...
i am really scared of it...
My main problem is addiction:
A year ago i escaped from mt biggest soon to become nightmare besides the rape...
...drugs...
i am sorry for not telling you guys about it,
but it felt too much of a failure until now...
what has changed?my trust i really trust you girls&guys, with all my secrets.
A year after the rape i smoked for the first time weed,
i felt freed from all
the guilt,
the disgust,
the sadness.
I was truly amazed, i thought i have discovered the way of forgetting everything...
I couldn't have been more right, i did forget everything when i was high, but something i haven't anticipated happened...
i forgot myself too, who i am, my standards...
i forgot myself in the process of forgetting the past...
it was when i started to realize i had a problem, i made it to the shore, escaped the addiction...
it was then i realized that everything that happened has turned me into who i am today...
perhaps if i had a perfect life,
i would have turned into a shallow, bimbo, type which i despise, or maybe a nerd(more than i really am) or a...
i don't know who i could have been,
hell i don't even know who i truly am right now,
but i am not necessary sorry of anything that has happened.
It made me who i am today, and because of that i thank Him, my real dad, and everyone that hurt me, loved me, despised me, bullied me...Thank you...
End of post
Love is in our scars, bones, imperfections.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
"PerfectingMyEmptiness"