Money, money and again money

did i mention the 8 pounds loss??well forget it i ate mashed potatoes and butter...ghrrr...damn yummy food.
i am kind of worried for when i will step on the scale,
please give me courage...
i don't even have the cutting anymore, because my friends found out,
and they are checking me everyday(all over the body).
I hate them for that, but i don't want to disappoint them,
because they are everything i have left in this world...
my biggest fear is to be left to die alone,
like my bio father died, alone, without anyone to take care for him...
do i sound pathetic???yes i probably am...i don't care...
right now i could use so much a blade, i need it,
it ends the hole that it is punched trough my chest,
it ends the pain,
it ends the little voice that tells me how shitty i am or
how worthless i am...
because i am, and i just try to hide it the best i can,
for the world to not know what i really am,
and the value i have.
I am not depressive, actually i am, and suicidal, but hey...
life is pink.
This is why i want to be thin so much,
to help me built the the mask of glass better,
probably you would be wondering what exactly is a mask of glass.
In order to find out you should go in the street
and watch carefully the faces of people,
sit in the middle of the street and scream from the top of your lungs,
and then you will see the faces of the people slowly putting the mask of indifference. It happened to me not with the scream,
last winter i was very sick, i didn't have enough magnesium in my body,
and i almost fainted in the way to school, and my knees went weak.
Nobody helped me, they were watching me like the plague,
pretending that they are perfect,
probably thinking that i did drugs, or that i am pregnant...so the mask of glass equals the mask of indifference.
Kind of everything i needed to say...i still have no comments*sigh*but i have to wait, patience is important.
kisses and hugs
xoxo